We are all vulnerable. We should not be ashamed of it. We must find balance.

 Early in my career, I subconsciously dealt with stress by increasing my adrenaline level. By seeking harder tasks. By doing extreme sports, lifting heavier weights than I should have and never, ever admitting there was a problem. I wanted to project a model of invulnerability, infallibility, reliability and an example of a man “unscarred by trials”. After all, I had modeled myself on the Stoics. Sisyphus’ parable had been a constant theme in my development. There’s a fairly popular online meme which basically says: “God, give me harder battles”!

The only time I ever took a day off as sick leave was when I dislocated my shoulder and could not put it back in by myself. I was back at work – embarrassed and in a great deal of pain – the next day.

When I returned to my duties, I realised that sympathy for my physical ailments was shielding me from any other criticism. Unknowingly, I used the “I am not well, sorry” excuse to hide from any meaningful conversation about my performance.  For a brief period, this was a powerful armour which kept me “safe”.

But did it?

My values have always been underpinned by a strong ethical core and – before being dishonest with others – I loathed being dishonest with myself. So I did some reading and some soul searching. It took me years – and I still struggle – to come to terms with my vulnerabilities.

It is hard for a young person (or for anyone, actually) to admit they are fallible and vulnerable. Digging deeper into your insecurities and objective shortcomings can be an excoriating process. Especially if the culture you come from, or the one you fall into, does not have that in its code – or in the modern version of it.

Yes, we tell people they should talk about their feelings and open up. We read and hear about it, cyclically and especially when it comes to men, who – as is widely known - hide their issues until someone finds a suicide note.

So why was I so fixated with the “invulnerable” model? That’s possibly because I saw it in people who I considered successful. Little did I know they were looking sharp and collected while paddling like mad and struggling under the surface. With a few exceptions, with the passage of time I learned about burnouts, broken families, bankruptcies, criminal dishonesty and more.

Those who went the distance, with lasting success – and more importantly – a balanced and fulfilling life, were the ones who showed a more humane and humble side, wore no armour and worked on their challenges openly and collaboratively.

The core message is - when you are genuinely struggling with your health – physical and mental health are one and the same, for there can’t be one without the other - talk about it. Not by broadcasting on social media, but by having meaningful conversations with those people around you who are willing to listen and support.

Apply the same principle to your professional struggles.

• Don’t hide.

• Don’t use excuses.

• Don’t blame anyone.

• Do not take shortcuts. They create bad habits

• Focus on the problem.

• Look at your objectives and define – clearly – the steps and actions required by you and people around you to achieve them.

• Discuss where you feel you are falling short. People in your life with a genuine interest in your wellbeing and/or success will be glad to listen, offer advice, help and appreciate the honesty and maturity of your actions.

It is possible – although unlikely – that you might find resistance or rejection. That is not a sign of you doing anything wrong. It’s a red flag for you and a clear message to look for the exit.

I look forward to your comments below.

Thanks for reading.

Men - Learn to cook

 Men

Learn to cook. There are no downsides. - you eat better - spend less - learn a lifelong skill - you'll love doing it - sharing what you cook is very enjoyable If you're into fitness, no prepared food will be as good as what you can make.

In this photo:

1 - Lamb ribs:

• season with olive oil, blended garlic, salt, soy sauce, rosemary.
• oven tray at 90 degrees, 2 hours.

2- Potatoes:

• cut potatoes very small
• wash them
• on a baking tray, olive oil and salt
• when the lamb ribs have released juice, add to the potatoes, put them in the oven at 180c for 1 hour. stir them so they cook evenly

3 - Pimentada (hot or cold dip)

• Large saucepan
• 5x red peppers
• 2x orange peppers
• 2 onions
• 5x garlic cloves
• 3x fresh scotch bonnet chillies
• cut onions and peppers in strips
• crush garlic
• add olive oil and salt to the pan
• add onion and garlic
• when golden, add peppers and chillies
• add water to cover and a glass of vinegar
• cover the pan
• keep on low gas until all soft
• stir and reduce until is a consistent dip sauce
• add extra virgin olive oil

4 - Lamb chops

• must be at room temp
• season with garlic, salt and pepper
• medium heat grill
• 2 min per side
• let rest for 5 mins before eating.

My 2 year old son loves to run in and out of the sea and I need to be near him. I was looking for something to put my phone and bank card in. This is totally waterproof and worked a treat when the little one manged to trip me up and make me fall in.

amzn.to/3QTp8GI

 I keep saying you don't know what your goals are. They are based on your values.

Mark Manson wrote excellent books about the subject, in a sideways fashion, using analogies and stories. 

A good read. 

Start here. https://amzn.to/39WJEpy Personal Values: How to Know Who You Really Are https://markmanson.net/personal-values via

@IAmMarkManson

 

If you are a man aged 35/55 and feel frustrated, unhealthy and have low motivation, I can relate:

read this.

 

At some point most men feel inadequate, tired, frustrated and have low motivation. This is due to a combination of internal and external factors:

-        Age: Testosterone levels can drop naturally. We aren’t naturally as fit as when we were younger. We lose hair and grow bellies.

-        Perceived achievements: We aren’t what we thought we would be. I wanted to be a motocross champion AND a guitar god.

-        External pressure: Social media shows the good and the bad. Never the full picture.

How can you regain motivation, confidence and health? Let’s break it down to the basics.

-        You don’t necessarily know what your goals are.

You think you do, but do this: focus on your goals and ask why, why is this MY goal? This is essential. Some goals will stick, some others are entirely manufactured by social pressure, media and tradition.

Break it down to what YOU want.

Ask yourself this question:

-        Why do I want (insert goal here) ? What’s the origin of it?

If it’s not for the following reasons, question it HARD:

-        It improves my health and wellbeing (even financial)

-        It helps my family

-        It lowers my risk and ability for others to control me (I will write about blackmail another time)

-        It helps other people or causes I REALLY care about

IF your goal is there for the following reasons, DROP IT

-        It makes me look good in the eyes of others

-        I want to be better than (insert person you’re jealous of)

-        I want to punish/hurt/settle a score so I will do this.

 

These are not your goals. These are weeds growing in your brain which you need to eradicate. Your life is too short for this.

-

So, where do you start?

 

Always, Always, Always start with the basics.

 

What improves your health, wellbeing, motivation and – ultimately – success and satisfaction?

-        Physical health

-        Mental health (they are the same but have different levers)

-        Better social life

-        Better family life.

-        Understand “work” and “money”

 

Follow this blog for the next chapter, and thanks for reading.

Always bring your training essentials

 These always travel with me. By tye time I was done with work the #gym was closed. 

So I'm doing curls, lat raises and shoulder press this morning

#FitnessMotivation 

#NoExcuses 

#workoutmotivation 

My LinkTree

https://linktr.ee/liftingispower

 

How forced change can become an opportunity. Learning from COVID-19

First published in April 2020

Sometimes there are very good reasons to keep things the way they are: tradition and heritage, protecting quality and craft, or the good old "if it ain't broke, don't fix it."

However, once in a while milestone events force change upon us. No one will argue against COVID-19 being one of them; even from the confinement of lockdown one can see the incoming swarm of changes our lives will be presented with. Maybe for now this looks like a looming cloud, but within it we could find seeds of opportunity.

This short article is only meant to help shifting perspective from doom and gloom and help us reflect on the learning and innovation we can gain from a global crisis like the one we are living in.

It is worth remembering that most big leaps forward in human history - in fact, in the history of our universe - were sprung by unexpected events, often catastrophic in their nature. Taleb calls them "Black Swans". FYI, COVID-19 isn't one of them, for it was entirely preventable in my opinion. But back to the point, few foresaw the impact of things like the motor car, personal computers or even the internet. It should make you feel good that not even the "experts" can see these coming.

Case in point, Nobel Laureate Paul Krugman, whose prediction about the internet became a lifelong meme.

There are many more examples of outliers and "fat tails" destroying forecasts and bell curves, so why don't we look at the principle of adaptation to try and identify strategies for renewal and refocus?

Let's narrow it further: With #covid19 ripping apart conventional methods of fulfilling supply and demand flows, I noticed old fashioned methods resurfacing. A few examples:

• Small shop in a village in North Italy with no internet or email address offering free deliveries within the council postcodes on phone order.
• Grainger Market in Newcastle offering delivery of most of the stalls' produce with very reasonable rates and selection.
• Main wine merchant in the UK suggesting people to phone their local branch for stock and arrange drop deliveries.

At a personal level, what can you do differently in your interaction with your peers, suppliers, and most importantly - customers - to nurture relationship and assure best results?

• Work collaboratively and focus on survival first, strategy planning next, and leave disputes as last resort.
• Avoid "winner takes all" situations in which the share of the pie is often shrunk and value is destroyed. Strive for the opposite and widen the reach of the interaction for best mutual value generation.
• Focus on networks. Roles, companies and economic landscapes change, but people and culture don't move as fast. Before you burn bridges, assure you can swim. A favour or a bit of advice today will help someone who will remember. If they don't, it's entirely their loss. You will have learned something anyway.
• Finally, use failure as a cathartic moment, a spark which should ignite your enthusiasm for challenges and new ideas. When Sylvester Stallone auditioned for movie roles, he was rejected over a thousand times. So, he revised. Instead of auditioning for roles that others created, he decided to create his own role to star in. 

I will leave you with something I found inspiring while reading HBR: Barksdale's three rules of business. “One, if you see a snake, shoot it. Two, don’t play with dead snakes. And three, everything looks like a snake at first.”

I like to think that opportunities at first can look a lot like snakes.

If you like this article, please share it. If you don't, please critique it below.

https://hbr.org/2014/06/dont-play-with-dead-snakes-and-other-management-advice 

https://www.theladders.com/career-advice/sylvester-stallone-on-fighting-for-what-you-want

Working out on Holiday

 Most people switch off their training habits while on holiday. 

I tend to do the opposite. I have a busy work life and time to work out is scarce. On holiday, I can focus and dedicate as much time as I want to my fitness sessions. 

When I choose a hotel or a resort, the quality of the fitness center is a key selection criteria.

Working (OUT) From Home

 

Here's a top tip: 

If you work from home, slot a set between calls and meetings. Impromptu, to failure. 

if you WFH you should be FITTER, not FATTER

The Fear Factor

 

Of the two typical traits discussed in business books and motivational gurus’ circles, Fear and Greed, Fear is the more hardwired and human-like one, making it very easy to leverage and exploit.

Every single reader of this article will have personal experience of Fear-based management. The interesting thing is that it doesn’t necessarily relate to a professional context. After all, our parents used Fear as a tool since we were born.

Fear is an easy – if blunt – tool to use to manage behaviour. If used sparingly and correctly, it has extremely powerful and even positive qualities. Who can argue against making children afraid of personal harm through experience or evidence? (before explaining context and logic around the topic, of course). You don’t want your children hurt; you tell them stories to scare them away from dangerous situations.

But here’s the key: once children grow up, you have to change the medium and use tools appropriate to age and maturity level. The same applies to work associates and their experience and skill.

I would argue that as we grow up and become more aware of context and social dynamics, the Fear element should be gradually dialed down towards zero, for using Fear against trusted and experienced associates - in fact, against anyone in a professional capacity - infantilises them and moves the relationship towards blackmail. It also shows a lack of personal empathy and respect.

The signs of Fear-based management are easy to spot so I won’t list them here, but it is safe to say that if you feel that the other party is using intimidation as a motivational tool, you are in a poor relationship which will ultimately result in a rift.

The secondary – and equally negative – effect of Fear-based management is the inevitable onset of distrust and cynicism on the receiving side. If you are not trusted and scared into task-based behaviour, you will end up in a stressful vicious circle of subconsciously expecting negative outcomes and projecting this negativity outward. Sometimes this is by design. Some people deliberately create a Fear-based ecosystem as it can work as a perverse loyalty trap. Fear is very powerful.

So, what can you do about it?

First, separate good Fear from bad Fear. Good Fear keeps us safe and alive, and it’s an innate trait we should be aware of and use as a trusted friend. Don’t take risks you don’t understand, never reach the point of ruin, never ignore Fear. Essential stuff.

It is bad Fear you need to address, for it is happening to you but it's deliberately generated outside. In this case, follow Frank Herbert’s quote from “Dune”:

I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

Only I will remain.

In other words, dissect and analyse the causes of this Fear and one by one address them by identifying the actor, motive and execution to remove them and take control of the situation.

What will be left is a clear action path to an improved condition.